Is it wrong, is it my fault?
I just realised how much I miss myself and being me. I miss spending time with myself and just being me, around me. I'm questioning why I chose activities over myself, really. Maybe because I've had enough of time alone since it was a tedious year, including an exhausting period of Prelims and O Levels. Is it so hard to choose to set aside time, just for yourself? Honestly, I feel pathetic just trying to get myself to choose. For once in a very long time, I feel fed up with myself. I don't know if I'm angry, frustrated or confused. I just know, I'm not feeling too good, that's all. Please don't get me wrong. I'm happy fulfilling my commitments at this point of time, I'm simply struggling with myself.
I found out why I've been sleeping late the past few nights. That's because the only time I can find to be alone is when I'm home. Think most of you know I'm an introvert, I love spending time alone - not like EmoKids Emo kind, but just alone. I enjoy it so much that I can't bear to fall asleep. That's why. Though I was wanting to leave home, I spent Sunday doing my things at my time. New cupboard arrived, cleared books from the book shelf, moved the book shelf, tidied my room and I finally got to spend a night in my own room. Due to the break down of my air-conditioner, I've been sleeping in Nicky's room. I truly never appreciated my room more. You don't know what it was like being able to return back to the place you once found unfamiliar. It was my comfort zone, literally. Though home is really the best place to be in, my room's my favourite spot in the house. I think it is for many of us who have our own rooms too.
As I was talking to Samuel Yuan earlier, he was talking about being unable to find a song which expresses his current emotion. He found his, and I found mine too. Surprisingly, it turned out to be a chinese song from a drama series I watched all thanks to my cousin. As depressing as it is, it fits the bill, my bill. Do you hear? Do you hear it beating? Will you turn around or will you walk away? One thing's for sure, I've not felt like this is in a rather long time now. And it sure feels bad, it kills you.
I was reminded about Anger today. I remember acknowledging anger as "spiritual murder" and I found truth in that. It wasn't through feeling the anger surge through me, but it was more of, through reflecting. I put myself in an angry person's shoes and imagined myself being the victim. It felt bad, really bad. I could literally feel my spirit being crushed unknowingly. Think about that whenever you're angered or frustrated at someone. Just pause, stop and think.
Now I'm at a loss, I don't know how to aline myself all over again. And I thought all was well, enough.
God, what is it? I don't mean to question but I'm wondering, puzzled and rather confused. Please don't let it be all sorts of emotions rolled into one again, I can't handle it. A smile is a curved line that sets things straight. God, let that smile be Yours.
I found out why I've been sleeping late the past few nights. That's because the only time I can find to be alone is when I'm home. Think most of you know I'm an introvert, I love spending time alone - not like EmoKids Emo kind, but just alone. I enjoy it so much that I can't bear to fall asleep. That's why. Though I was wanting to leave home, I spent Sunday doing my things at my time. New cupboard arrived, cleared books from the book shelf, moved the book shelf, tidied my room and I finally got to spend a night in my own room. Due to the break down of my air-conditioner, I've been sleeping in Nicky's room. I truly never appreciated my room more. You don't know what it was like being able to return back to the place you once found unfamiliar. It was my comfort zone, literally. Though home is really the best place to be in, my room's my favourite spot in the house. I think it is for many of us who have our own rooms too.
As I was talking to Samuel Yuan earlier, he was talking about being unable to find a song which expresses his current emotion. He found his, and I found mine too. Surprisingly, it turned out to be a chinese song from a drama series I watched all thanks to my cousin. As depressing as it is, it fits the bill, my bill. Do you hear? Do you hear it beating? Will you turn around or will you walk away? One thing's for sure, I've not felt like this is in a rather long time now. And it sure feels bad, it kills you.
I was reminded about Anger today. I remember acknowledging anger as "spiritual murder" and I found truth in that. It wasn't through feeling the anger surge through me, but it was more of, through reflecting. I put myself in an angry person's shoes and imagined myself being the victim. It felt bad, really bad. I could literally feel my spirit being crushed unknowingly. Think about that whenever you're angered or frustrated at someone. Just pause, stop and think.
Now I'm at a loss, I don't know how to aline myself all over again. And I thought all was well, enough.
God, what is it? I don't mean to question but I'm wondering, puzzled and rather confused. Please don't let it be all sorts of emotions rolled into one again, I can't handle it. A smile is a curved line that sets things straight. God, let that smile be Yours.
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